winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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