Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
