I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
