just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
