He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
this just has baby written all over it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
