Just fell off a train. Bad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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