i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize