some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
