I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
