Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
