she kept yelling 'call me bella'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
