I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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