On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
