going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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