Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
