I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found the puke drawer
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize