her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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