I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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