Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
