apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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