Got a toothbrush?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
