Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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