you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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