I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
