Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
