final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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