let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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