ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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