Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Pooping to opera.
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