So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
