We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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