Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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