bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize