Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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