My room smells like vodka and shame
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
