I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
