I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
