Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
