so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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