I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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