things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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