I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
MIDGETS
????
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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