What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
