goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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