I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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