Got a toothbrush?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
