Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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