My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
