I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
