You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
