So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Floor bacon is actually really good
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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