so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
