So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
