Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
