I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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