Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
