My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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