Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
4 words: hood of his car
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
