Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
