hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
