Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
