If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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