On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
