babies were throwing up all over the place
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
