Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
