fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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