Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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