Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
