If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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