drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
