omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
