hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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