You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
