Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
