No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
