i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so let's talk penis.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
