Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
