I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
