i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm both gender and math confused
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
