Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
