I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
