this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
