yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
