party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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