I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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