Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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