His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
