Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
