Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We need a shit load of segways right now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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