I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
