do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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