Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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