Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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