Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize