i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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