this beer tastes like vomit already
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
