how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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