He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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