I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
