Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
