If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
