I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
