I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize